The Ignorant Investor

I'm on an e-mail list with TheStreet.com, the financial website run by legendary trader Jim Cramer, and every trading day they send me a little newsletter called "Before the Bell" or some such thing that highlights some of the stories they're covering for that day's market.

Now I like Cramer. He's charismatic. He's confident. You watch his show on CNBC, you get the feeling that this guy knows trading inside out. But he's also a sharp businessman, and he knows his audience is filled with ignorant investors like me. So what do I see in today's e-mail message from the Street but this little ditty:

If you're not up 550% since Jan. 4 Something's wrong!
Register for our FREE ONLINE SEMINAR and learn the
following:
1) How to choose the appropriate stock
2) How to insure trades from loss
3) How to adjust any trade that goes against you
To see if you qualify, click here:

http://offer.thestreet.com/t/350811/2057563/1342/0/

Now consider that the professional manager at the top performing mutual fund in any given year attains maybe 100% return in a year (and usually its far lower than that). Now ask yourself what these guys at The Street could possible teach in this seminar that would allow a person like me to not just outdo said professional investor, but to outdo him by FIVE TIMES. Barring the use of black magic, it ain't gonna happen.

Note also that this ad comes from a reputable financial media outlet. Not a late-night infomercial. Not from a Nigerian e-mail address. That just shows that the purpose of all financial media is to make money for themselves using whichever methods they think will pay off. For them to make money, you have to give them some of yours, whether they deserve it or not.